Eve and Adam (and the Boys)
The old, old story, not as you’re “liable to hear in the Bible”, but rather updating the popular myth for the post-feminist age. Published in Love Bites.
Photos
Script Excerpt
(Adam with Cain, who is in his teens, sitting.)
Adam: So are you going to tell me?
Cain: No.
Adam: What’s that?
Cain: No.
Adam: Why not?
Cain: (Muttering) Shnevgimmefkncharss.
Adam: Talk to me properly.
Cain: Whyfkshdeye.
Adam: Open your mouth when you speak to me.
Cain: She never gives me a fucking chance.
Adam: Don’t swear.
Cain: Whynotyudu.
Adam: What do you mean, never gives you a chance?
Cain: WotIfknsay..
Adam: Stop muttering!
Cain: SHE’S ALWAYS ON MY CASE. NOTHING I DO IS GOOD ENOUGH. SHE MAKES ME SICK!
(Long silence.)
Adam: What d’you mean “on your case”?
Cain: She doesn’t like me.
Adam: That’s not true.
Cain: I can’t do ANYTHING.
Adam: Like what? Tell me.
Cain: Promise you won’t hit me?
Adam: Hit you?
(Pause.)
Adam: Why d’you think I’ll hit you?
(Pause.)
Adam: I never hit you.
(Pause.)
Adam: I’ll see what I can do.
Cain: Thaswoyallussay.
Adam: What?
Cain: You always say that.
Adam: And?
(No response.)
Adam: AND?
Cain: YOU SAY NOTHING TO HER! YOU NEVER SAY ANYTHING !
(Silence.)
Adam: How do you know?
(Silence.)
Adam: It’s not true.
Cain: IT IS, DAD ! IT IS !
Adam: Just try to behave, all right? Don’t provoke her.
Cain: All right. (Hears Eve approaching, starts and runs off.)
Adam: Hey, come here!
(Pensive, he picks up a fig leaf. Eve comes in with Abel, also a teenager, who’s wearing a skin around his loins.)
Eve: Adam, look what Abel’s made. – Adam?
(Adam is still thinking about Cain.)
Abel: It was when I heard you arguing about the leaves. I remembered watching the animals in the rain… and I realized the rain ran off their skin…
Eve: Isn’t it a lovely idea.
Adam: Yes, dear.
Eve: They’re really lovely, aren’t they.
Adam: Yes…
Eve: Isn’t that kind? Adam? – That’s very thoughtful of you, Abel.
Adam: Yes it is.
Eve: He’s made them for both of us. And there’s a hat.
(Adam takes his skins reluctantly. Eve gets into hers.)
Eve: I think this disproves what you were saying the other day.
Adam: What, about down there?
Eve: About the younger generation.
Adam: Oh, sure.
Eve: And he’s made one for Cain too.
Adam: (To Eve) So you don’t think we’ll get all sweaty after all?
Abel: I haven’t finished his yet.
Eve: No, well, all in good time. (She strokes his cheek, which he’s a bit uncomfortable with) Isn’t this kind?
Adam: Yes. I said yes.
Eve: I think Cain’s a little jealous.
Adam: I’m not surprised.
Eve: Aren’t you going to try yours?
Adam: They look a bit skimpy…
Abel: What, you mean, for the bigger chap?
(He smiles broadly. Adam looks at him.)
Adam: You’re starting to sound like your mother.
Abel: (Chastened) Well, you can always use a bigger animal. Obviously.
Eve: Obviously.
(She gives Adam a hard stare. Adam discreetly throws the leaves away and tries to put the skin on.)
Adam: Are you sure they’ll be hygienic?
Eve: Honestly, just get on with it!
(Adam can’t get into his.)
Abel: I don’t know what I did wrong.
Eve: Mine fitted.
Adam: Perhaps he sizes you up more.
Eve: (To Adam) Come again?
Adam: Or sees me smaller than I am.
Abel: Hello? I am here.
Eve: (To Adam) That’s just silly.
Adam: You think so?
Abel: You can talk to my face, you know.